It's been a minute since I've written anything. It's been more than a minute really. I have no good reason why it's been so long - I really don't. Anything would just be an excuse.
I've spent much of the last couple months reflecting on 2024, on who I am, on what I do, on how I spend my time. I feel like the last 12-18 months has been just crazy busy but I'm not sure I've accomplished much. Perhaps I'm being too hard on myself. It's difficult to say, but I probably am.
I know my clients are happy with the work I've produced, the value I bring to their respective organizations. They've told me as much. The people I work with are wonderful. My interactions with them give me energy. The solutions we are building together are fun, they're exciting and I am still learning every day.
Outside of my client work, I have my own list. It's not a small list - at least it doesn't feel that way. I try and apply the 'What's Important Now' principle and it works - sometimes. Other times, I freeze because I think everything is important. Those are the times that frustrate me - not because everything is actually important but because I let the situation get the best of me.
Is it possible that I've set myself up to feel that whatever I do is not enough? Is it weird to question yourself in this way? At age 55, it seems strange to me that I can still feel like I need to prove myself to myself.
It might be a grandiose thought, but I believe that my purpose is to do something great. Maybe I've done it already but have been too wrapped up in trying to prove myself that I missed it? Doubt it though.